Just a Year?

I woke up this morning, poured my coffee and sat down to plan my day. As soon as I sat down, like the nanosecond I sat down, Google blindsided me with a year-in-review video. Facebook does these videos as well, but something about the timing and content of this one really hit me hard.

This year has been, well, more than a year. For me it has been an incredibly difficult year. The last five years for me have been a bitch, frankly. So, this video touched something different for me. Maybe it’s where I’m sitting in my life right now? Maybe it’s the amount of introspection and self-growth I’ve been focusing on? Maybe it’s just blind ass coincidence.

What this video did for me is reminded me of one thing that I forgot. This year has been a year full of beauty. It started with a whim. I casually started taking photos of tugboats. Simple iPhone pics as I was walking Angus. One photo turned into four that turned into hundreds. I haven’t counted. But I have quite a collection now. I have some plans for them.

So, this video pops up to remind me of the beauty in my life. Beauty in the people that surround me. My kids who I have shared some wonderful moments. My dog that constantly makes me smile and reminds me to lighten the fuck up. My friends, who seem so far away, who also remind me to lighten the fuck up. My family who are all down in the States and I can’t visit because of a stupid virus but remind me I’m loved. I found beauty in the creative process.

It truly is strange the cascade of life. This reminds me of a conversation I had with my father. It was one of those moments that stands out in your mind. We were driving somewhere together. I believe it was my Uncle’s cabin in Michigan for one of our annual fishing trips. It doesn’t matter where it was.

I remember we talked the whole trip. As we approached our destination, I remember him telling me he loved talking with me. As I remember it, he described our conversation like a train. One idea hooked onto another. It stretched on and on.

This year, when I look back on it was a lot like that conversation with my father. It stretched on and on. It never seemed like it was going to end, but it did. And looking back, it was filled with a lot of beauty.

That was a year?
It felt like three
Maybe even eight
I have to admit it wasn’t great

But it wasn’t bad either
It was filled with highs 
Lows included as well I fear
Strangely, just  like any other year

It was a year that felt meh
Loneliness in isolation
Loss of a great friend
Sadness does not fill me seeing it end

The virus threw up some curveballs
I could never hit the curve
Doesn’t matter, it’s the heat I like
I kept hoping Corona can’t throw a strike

Strangely there’s still melancholie
Looking back at the year
What I lost makes my heart yearn
Yet hope continues to burn

I don’t know what to say
About about this year
Unlike some others in my life
I don’t want to forget the strife

For me it was a year
Filled with lessons and beauty
Truly some incredible highs
Mixed with tearful goodbyes

The truth is
I’m still here
Like many others behind me
This year did not break me