To end 2020, I wanted to change it up from what’s been coming to the surface of my explorations of my darker self. To be clear, what I mean by that is I have been looking into Carl Jung’s shadow theory. Basically, the early conclusion I’ve come to is that I’ve been feeding the wrong wolf inside of me for a long time. More to the point, I’ve been feeding only one of the wolves at any given time. It has left me significantly out of balance
There’s many reasons why I’m fascinated by shadow theory. It was all brought to a spearhead last night…more specifically this morning, at two in the morning. I decided to crack open a blog that talks about shadow work and even gives some exercises to follow. As I started going through one of the exercises, I started to experience a level of anxiety I have only felt in my life a few times. We’re talking heart pounding, night sweats, brain rolling and flipping like a landed salmon. After that I don’t only think, I know I am starting to exercise areas of my mind that don’t want to be fucked with. They’ve been happy camping in the dark corners popping up at really inopportune times.
Once I finally did settle myself down and get some sleep, I was able to wake up with a slightly different perspective. There’s another ideal that I’ve come across lately, and it is founded in the Ha’waian Ho’oponono prayer:
I love you
Please forgive me
It is an incredibly simply, yet powerful idea that I am deeply grateful to have been introduced to. The way it was described to me, and what resonated deeply with me was the following:
I love you – no matter what has happened between us. I love you. If we have interacted on any level throughout my life, I love you. Big love, small love, it doesn’t matter. I love you.
I’m sorry – I am truly sorry for any hurt I have caused you. There are some in my life that I have been hurtful towards that had some level of malice to it, and for that I am truly sorry. If I have hurt you unintentionally, please know that I may not have known it at the time, or other things in my life have left me to not recognize the hurt I caused. I am sorry.
Please forgive me – I am actively working to become a better version of myself on a daily basis. I hope that if you have been hurt by me, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
Thank you – Thank you for gracing my life. For whatever interaction we have had. Loving, confrontational, compassionate, or combative. I thank you for passing through my life. I have learned something from you. We learn from every experience, and I know that there are some experiences that I wish I had back based on how I behaved. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
We’re rolling out of 2020 and into 2021. It is easy to say that 2020 was shit. If you sit and contemplate either the wolf fable or Ho’oponopono (or both), I would argue that 2020 has been a year for feeding the dark wolf. We can move into the new year paying some attention to the white wolf to bring back some balance.
To anyone reading this, and to the Year 2020 in particular:
I love you
I am sorry
Please forgive me